If you’re reading this with a loved one in mind, we’d like to firstly acknowledge your position in this relationship and what might be happening for you. Eating disorders don’t just affect the individual sufferer but can impact all different people in their lives – including loved ones.
It can be hard to know “what to do” when you see someone you care about going through hardship. Often, we can feel helpless and worried that we’re not doing enough to support them – especially if the friend is distancing or isolating themselves from others. As social animals who care about one another, it can be difficult not to be pulled into the panic and anxiety that surrounds an eating disorder and tempting to allow our personal needs to take a backseat.
Here are some suggestions from those who’ve experienced this first-hand for how to support someone with an eating disorder.
How to Help Someone with an Eating Disorder: 6 Ways
Check in with them
Research has proven that the earlier someone accesses specialist support, the quicker and more sustained their recovery is likely to be. If you have concerns about a loved one, check in with them and share these concerns. Find a time when emotions aren’t running high and focus on their emotions and underlying feelings, as opposed to specific eating disorder symptoms or behaviours. Listen, so that they feel heard, and make a mental note to follow up with them in the future when the time is right.
Know your boundaries
Our recent blog post on boundaries going into more detail on this, however, boundaries are basically the limits we set for ourselves within relationships. They keep relationships strong and healthy and involve knowing when to say “yes” and “no” at appropriate times to tend to your needs and protect your energy.
When someone is struggling and needing a lot of support, it’s common to feel compelled to “fix” them and be present 24/7 whenever they need. As helpful as this may seem, it is vital that you look after yourself first. As the quote goes, “you cannot pour from an empty cup” – you can’t keep giving if you haven’t got anything left to give. Grant yourself permission to engage in regular acts of self-care.
Signpost to additional specialist support
Related to our point above, it is not your responsibility to “fix” someone. If your loved one isn’t undergoing therapy or specialist treatment it may be helpful to signpost them to eating disorder support services or treatment centres to explore their options. Beat, our charity partner, is a fantastic resource for support and offers different helplines and support groups for everyone involved (so you, too, can get the support you need). Helping someone with an eating disorder is not a road you should be walking alone, especially when there are specialists that can support.
Avoiding diet talk
Whilst eating disorders are not always about food, be mindful of how you talk about food and your food choices around someone who is struggling. By engaging in talk that labels food as “good” or “bad” you’ll risk exacerbating someone’s fixation on the nutritional content of food.
Model “normal” behaviour
Often, we encourage those around those suffering to be role models for “normal behaviour”. People suffering with eating disorder can become disconnected with the natural flow of life and having people around them who “normalise” core aspects of life, such as food, eating and social behaviours can be very helpful and go a long way towards helping someone with an eating disorder.
An eating disorder is pretty much the antithesis of living “intuitively”. By going about your life in your normal way, you can help normalise behaviours and undo any fear associated with these behaviours.
Hold onto hope – they are not their eating disorder
There will be ups and downs in this journey and holding on to hope – especially during challenging times – is crucial. Keep in mind that they are not their eating disorder and make sure to return to self-caring practices when you feel that your energy is depleted.
How to Support Someone with an Eating Disorder
Supporting a friend through an eating disorder is never about having all the answers. Rather, it’s about being present, listening without judgement, and gently encouraging them to seek professional help. While every journey is unique, your consistent support can be a powerful anchor during incredibly difficult times.
If you’re wondering how to help someone with anorexia or more generally how to help people with eating disorders, remember that small, thoughtful actions like checking in, educating yourself, or offering to attend appointments can make a meaningful difference.
No one should walk the road to recovery alone. Whether you’re at the very beginning of this journey or already walking alongside someone in treatment, your care matters more than you know. And if you need guidance, Orri’s specialist team is always here to support both those experiencing eating disorders and the people who love them.
Don’t do it all yourself, reach out to someone for support today.
