This blog is designed to support anyone affected by eating disorders during the holiday period. That includes people currently struggling, those in recovery, individuals who may be questioning their relationship with food, and friends or family members who want to offer support. It aims to normalise how difficult this time of year can feel, provide gentle guidance, and reassure readers that they are not alone.
Choosing presence over perfection this festive season
The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, connection and celebration. But for many people, particularly those living with an eating disorder or in recovery, it can also be a time of increased pressure, anxiety and self-criticism.
There can be strong expectations to have the “perfect” celebration – perfect meals, perfect gatherings, perfect family moments. When food, routines and social situations change all at once, this can feel overwhelming. If you’re finding the festive period difficult, it’s important to know that you’re not alone, and that struggling does not mean you’re failing.
At Orri, our December theme is Holiday Presence over Perfection. This means shifting the focus away from unrealistic standards, and towards being present, compassionate and kind to yourself, at your own pace.
This guide is for anyone navigating the holidays with an eating disorder, those who may be wondering if they’re struggling, and loved ones who want to offer support in a safe and understanding way.
Why the holidays can feel especially hard
Eating disorders do not pause for Christmas, Hanukkah or New Year. The festive season often brings:
- Changes to daily routine
- Increased focus on food and shared meals
- Social expectations and family gatherings
- Comments about eating, bodies or “starting fresh” in January
This combination can significantly increase distress for people at many stages of recovery. Feelings of anxiety, guilt, loss of control or emotional overwhelm are common, even if others around you seem to be enjoying themselves.
If this resonates with you, please know: these reactions are understandable. They are not a personal weakness, and they do not reflect how committed you are to recovery.
Releasing perfectionism: presence over pressure
Perfectionism often plays a role in eating disorders, the belief that you must “get things right”, cope without help, or meet expectations even when it hurts.
During the holidays, this can show up as pressure to:
- Eat a certain way
- Attend every event
- Appear cheerful or grateful
- Hide how difficult things feel
Choosing presence over perfection means allowing yourself to experience the season as it is, rather than how it “should” be.
This might look like:
- Letting go of the idea of a perfect day
- Allowing moments to be messy or quiet
- Giving yourself permission to rest, pause or step away
- Focusing on connection rather than performance
You do not have to push yourself beyond your limits to deserve care or belonging.
Managing food-related anxiety with more ease
Holiday meals can feel particularly challenging. While everyone’s experience is different, these gentle strategies may help reduce some of the pressure:
Plan where you can
Knowing what to expect can make things feel more manageable. If possible, find out meal timings in advance or discuss what food might be available. Planning doesn’t mean controlling everything, it simply helps reduce uncertainty.
Keep some structure
Try to maintain regular meals where possible, even during the holidays. Skipping meals or drastically changing routines can increase anxiety and make things harder later.
Have safe or familiar options available
If you’re attending a gathering, bringing a dish you feel comfortable with – or asking for one to be available, can offer reassurance. This is a valid and supportive step.
Focus beyond the food
Meals are only one part of the day. Shifting attention afterwards to a film, conversation, game or gentle walk can help ease the intensity of post-meal anxiety.
There is no “right” way to eat during the holidays, only what feels safest and most supportive for you right now.
Practising self-compassion during the festive period
Self-compassion is not about giving up or “letting things slide”. It’s about responding to yourself with understanding instead of criticism – especially when things feel hard.
This might mean:
- Speaking to yourself as you would to a friend
- Allowing breaks without guilt
- Accepting that some days will be tougher than others
- Reminding yourself that recovery is not linear
It’s okay to struggle during the holidays – just remember that struggling does not undo progress.
Small acts of self-kindness can make a difference: a quiet moment alone, a warm shower, writing your thoughts down, or stepping outside for fresh air.
Setting boundaries that protect your wellbeing
Boundaries are an important part of recovery, and they are allowed at Christmas, too.
You might choose to:
- Limit time at certain gatherings
- Ask for conversations to avoid food, weight or appearance
- Step away when things feel overwhelming
- Say no to activities that feel too much
Setting boundaries is not selfish or rude. It’s a way of looking after your mental and emotional health and it allows you to engage in the season more safely.
Navigating traditions in your own way
Cultural and religious traditions can be deeply meaningful, but they can also come with expectations. Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, both, or neither, it’s okay to adapt traditions to suit your needs.
You might:
- Focus on rituals that don’t centre on food
- Shorten or simplify celebrations
- Participate in ways that feel manageable
- Create new traditions that support your recovery
There is no requirement to experience traditions in a certain way. What matters is that they align with your wellbeing.
If you’re supporting someone this holiday season
If you’re a loved one supporting someone with an eating disorder, your presence matters more than getting everything “right”.
Helpful support can include:
- Avoiding comments about eating, weight or appearance
- Checking in gently and privately
- Offering flexibility around plans
- Supporting distractions after meals
- Listening without trying to fix
Try to choose compassion over control. Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses, not choices, and recovery takes time.
It’s also important to look after yourself. Supporting someone can be emotionally demanding, and you deserve care too.
A gentle reminder
There is no perfect way to get through the holidays.
Some moments may feel calm. Others may feel heavy. Both are allowed.
If you’re struggling, you deserve support, whether that’s from a loved one, a clinician, or a specialist service. Reaching out is not a failure; it’s a sign of care for yourself.
At Orri, we believe the most meaningful gift this season is not perfection but presence, self-kindness, and hope.
You don’t have to do this alone.
Organisations such as the NHS and Beat Eating Disorders provide additional resources if you’re struggling.
At Orri, we believe in meeting clients where they are. Whether in person, online, or through a blended programme, our goal is always the same: to deliver compassionate, specialist care that helps individuals move towards recovery.
We’re here to help
If you or someone you care about is struggling, get in touch with Orri’s team. We’re here to listen, advise, and offer a safe space for recovery.
