An Orri Alumni Client shares their experience on their eating disorder recovery and their time with Orri.
‘I never would have believed you’
If you’d told me 10 years ago that I’d one day suffer with anorexia, I never would have believed you. Food has always been one of my favourite things – never something that carried any negative emotions like fear, shame or guilt. I now realise how lucky I was – and how much I took my relationship with food and exercise for granted. For me, that’s what I miss the most, and is one of my ultimate aims of recovery. Having evidence of pre-eating disorder ‘me’ helps to keep me motivated when things feel difficult and this, combined with Orri’s support, has helped me trust that full recovery is possible.
I think one of the scariest parts of being diagnosed with an eating disorder was the way it crept up on me and turned me into someone I couldn’t recognise. When I reached out to Orri, I didn’t really understand what an eating disorder was, let alone believe that I was struggling with one. The only thing I knew was that there was this voice inside my head getting louder and louder, and that if I didn’t ask someone for help, the darkness would swallow me up.
‘Meeting me where I was’
I spent a lot of my first few months in treatment in various stages of denial – denial that I had an eating disorder, denial that I was ‘sick enough’ to deserve help, denial that it was anything other than my physical health that was the problem. I will forever be grateful to Orri for ‘meeting me where I was’, which at the beginning of my journey was at home, joining treatment online due to my physical health constraints. From the first day I logged on, Orri caught me in a net, and for the past year they have been walking alongside me as I’ve been working on my recovery – both online and in-person.
The online programme that Orri offers is world leading, and I truly believe it is why I’m still here to write this today. I never thought that online day-patient treatment would be able to have such an impact through a screen, but at every stage in my recovery I have been proven wrong. The support, knowledge, and understanding of the Orri team is difficult to put into words but I think the best description would be that I felt like I joined a community that for the first time in a long time, completely understood what was happening inside my head without me having to explain it. Eating disorders are incredibly isolating, so much so that my anorexia made me believe that ‘I was the problem’, that ‘no one would understand’, that I was ‘making a fuss’, and that I ‘just needed to eat’.
Eating disorders are champions at ensuring that sufferers don’t get the treatment they need and they’re the best in class at staying hidden in plain sight.
They can impact anyone from any background and are rarely actually about the ‘food’ itself. That’s why they can be so difficult to spot early, and why they’re so dangerous. Despite this, the key thing that Orri taught me is that eating disorders are 100% treatable. They are not a life sentence, and they are not incurable. Yes, the recovery journey is terrifying, exhausting and gruelling but with the right recognition, understanding and support, complete recovery from anorexia is possible and there is hope for the brighter future that everyone deserves.
‘Everyone deserves the help and understanding Orri can offer’
A few months into my recovery journey I was well enough to be able to adjust my treatment plan to be a combination of online and in person treatment (what Orri call a blended programme). This marked a big step in my journey – I now no longer had the safety blanket of my home environment and was faced with unavoidable challenges that felt insurmountable at the time. Although the days in the building were undoubtedly some of the hardest days of my recovery, they were also the days I look back on with the most pride – from the difficult meal spaces to the challenging motto of ‘staying in my own lane’.
One of the hardest things about recovery is doing it for yourself, not for anyone else. Unless you are recovering for you, it isn’t sustainable, and that can be difficult to hear. The same goes for comparison – eating disorders are incredibly competitive – especially with each other, so a lot of the work in the building is understanding and accepting that everyone is on their own, unique journey and that all these journeys are valid and deserving of support. Everyone deserves the help and understanding that Orri can offer, wherever you are in your story.
‘Asking for help is the bravest thing I can do’
Although I’m still on my journey, I know now that I am not alone, and that asking for help is the bravest and strongest thing I can do. I no longer take the voice inside my head as gospel – I am slowly but surely fighting back (the power of opposite action!) and advocating for the real me. I know now that I don’t have to use my body to communicate how I’m feeling and that there are ways to speak up without damaging myself. I am starting to believe that I am worthy, despite what I can or cannot do, and that I truly am enough as I am.
I have hope for the future for the first time in a long time, and although days can still be painful and difficult, I truly believe that I will get better and that one day I will look back at this period of my life and reflect on how far I’ve come. Without Orri, I wouldn’t be where I am today, and I will forever be grateful to the team for saving my life.
If you have felt inspired by this experience and wish to feature your own on our website, you can submit a Guest Blog for Orri here.
We’re here to help
If you or someone you care about is struggling, get in touch with Orri’s team. We’re here to listen, advise, and offer a safe space for recovery.
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