In honour of Father’s Day, we’re sharing a personal story from the father of one of our clients – a story of deep love, enduring strength, and the quiet resilience it takes to walk alongside a loved one through eating disorder recovery.
This story spans nearly two decades. It’s not shared to discourage, but to offer hope – a reminder that recovery is always possible, no matter how long the journey or how difficult the road.
“When we were in the depths of dealing with this illness, all I wanted was to hear one good story. Something that told me we’d get through it. That she would be okay.”
Through setbacks and breakthroughs, moments of despair and moments of joy, this father describes what it means to stay present. To fight for treatment. To hold firm through the darkest moments, even when feeling helpless. To continue loving the person underneath the illness, even when the illness is shouting the loudest.
As we mark Father’s Day, we honour all the dads, carers, and loved ones who stand quietly behind the scenes – watching, hoping, supporting, and never giving up. Your role matters. Your strength matters. And we thank you for showing up.
The diagnosis and the long road ahead
Our daughter was diagnosed with anorexia just before her 11th birthday and recovered about 3 years ago around the age of 28. She is currently doing very well and planning to get married! (although her Mum and I continually keep a discrete watch for any relapse signs)
This timescale is obviously different for every person, and I am not trying to scare anyone with the length of time it took our daughter to finally recover – rather I am putting it out there as a beacon of hope and encouragement to keep going no matter how desperate the situation appears. When we were in the depths of dealing with this illness, that’s all I wanted to hear – a good new story so that I had some hope to cling onto!
We encountered many ups and downs along the way, with several periods of recovery interspersed with periods of relapse. We had to fight for everything and demand better at every stage but we were determined to get the best treatment available for our daughter because if we didn’t fight for her, who would?
I am putting it out there as a beacon of hope and encouragement to keep going no matter how desperate the situation appears.
What it’s like to be a dad in this situation
As a Dad, apart from the love you have for your children, you also feel that you must protect them and keep them from any harm. You always imagine yourself stepping between them and any danger and absorbing that danger before it has an opportunity to harm them. When an eating disorder illness strikes however, you can be left feeling very helpless and at times, very angry. No matter how much you wish it, you cannot take the illness for them!
A moment I’ll never forget
It is important, however, to separate the person from the illness. I remember way back in the early days when we were advised that all meals/snacks had to be fully supported and that every last mouthful had to be finished, no matter how long it took. On one occasion, after literally hours of sitting at the kitchen table, with my daughter screaming at me with an almost demonic voice that she was not finishing her meal, she eventually took the last mouthful and fell into my arms and said, “Daddy, help me!”. It almost broke my heart, but it was a memory that I kept coming back to time and time again. That was my job as a Dad, to help her, support her and keep her safe and be her strength, to say “No” until she had the strength to say “No” to the illness! Even when she appeared “possessed” by her inner demons, this one memory helped me to remember that my beautiful daughter was always in there, and if I stayed strong for her, she could use that strength to recover.
What I’d tell other fathers
Coming up to Father’s Day, I wouldn’t presume that I could give any advice to other Fathers – I understand every circumstance is different – but the one thing I would say is to keep hold of the good memories of your “person” and keep loving them as you did when they were a child! Don’t ever give up!
One memory helped me to remember that my beautiful daughter was always in there, and if I stayed strong for her, she could use that strength to recover.
If you feel affected by what you’ve read and would like support, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. If you’re a parent or carer supporting a loved one through an eating disorder, you are not alone. Orri is here to help. Find out more about our services here.
