As we heal from the coronavirus pandemic, now more than ever we’re thinking about “hope”; how we need to hold onto it and nurture it, particularly during challenging times such as these.
Our amazing client shares her thoughts on what it means to nurture hope in eating disorder recovery…
To make sense of it, like stepping from the safety of my eating disorder cruise liner onto a small life boat in the middle of a choppy sea. It felt inadequate, unfamiliar, vulnerable, so I hopped right back to my big, comfy ship.
As familiar and secure as it felt, I knew it was slowly sinking none the less. I could choose to stay in the comfort but I would be choosing to sink with it. So I tried again to board the lifeboat, and again, and again. Until I felt assured that it was secure, that it could hold me, that it was dependable. So I braved the water and paddle, but it was rough and stormy and fear turned me back. But I kept getting back in the boat.
Each time I made it a little further but I could never see land and I didn’t trust in my strength to keep paddling until I reached it, so I’d retreat to the security of my big ship. I knew I couldn’t stay there, It felt safe but I knew it wasn’t.
I kept getting back in the boat. I got stronger, the paddling got easier, I began to believe that I was capable or reaching the shore.
And the land appeared on the horizon. It’s far away and uncharted, but I know its not frightening, that I can manage any dangers waiting there, that for the most part its full of good things, that it can be whatever I choose for it to be.
I finally trust in my own strength to reach it, so I’ve waved goodbye to my big ship and I’ll keep paddling.