Our latest Guest Blogger shares a poem about her eating disorder, exploring the feelings and emotions surrounding her experience.
“I wrote this poem in an attempt to explore and express some of my thoughts and feelings surrounding my eating disorder.
I have a diagnosis of Anorexia Nervosa and I could never have imagined just how ruthless this illness could be. I have been receiving inpatient treatment for 6 months now.
The road towards recovery has been so winding and each time I have felt as thought I have made progress, the slightest change to my circumstances or my treatment has given the Anorexia space to try and claw back any possible element of control.
It is so incredibly confusing and frustrating to want so much to be well and happy and to reclaim all of the things the illness has taken from you, but also still be so susceptible to its brutal judgement and demands and expectations.
I feel a lot of shame at times in my struggle in fighting back and have been unsure whether or not I should share my writing, but I am learning that shame and secrecy only allow it more control and that being more open takes away some of its power.
I hope it might help some people understand and some to feel more understood.”
This was shared via our Instagram community.
The turmoil feeling endless
A constant battle raging on
When she thought she may have beat this
It’s all back, it’s there, it’s won
It still makes no sense to her
How it can take over all control
And you can lose all that you were
In such a dark and deep black hole
Her goals and dreams are now distant
The fear and shame are just too strong
Consuming emptiness persistent
That spark of hope is now long gone
The self hatred becomes ceaseless
Screaming jibes and taunts and doubt
Feeling selfish, weak and helpless
She fights with thoughts of a way out